Has-Beens on the (Old) Block

I'm the first to preach that music writers should leave the auditory art form to the ears of the beholder and simply provide context, but what the old, newly reunited New Kids on the Block are offering up is just too good to pass up

Now look, I'm a two-song (max) closet Kids sympathizer. I want them to succeed as much as the next thirtysomething gal who was teenboppin' back in the Kids' heyday. But the stunt they're pulling is just... Well, what's the technical term? Oh yeah, ick!

So here we are in 2008. The Kids are back together and all growns up. Their girlie-girl demographic who were weezing, crying, screeching for them are all pushing 30 now. It would seem that their target demographic would be those thirtysomething'ers seeking to relive the glory days, right?

Nope. And to be honest with you, I'm not sure who the hell they're singing to/for. The first single called "Single," goes a little something like this:

"It don’t matter cuz ur here now
and the music ur enjoyin’
So for the next couple minutes
Baby i’mma be ur boyfriend

"Pretty mama if ur single…single
(u dont gotta be alone tonite)
NE-YO: so while the dj play this single…single
(just pretend that i’m ur man tonite)"

Okay. Just two things: Not sure that "I'mm be ur boyfriend" is going to do much for a woman in her '30s. And if they're singing to a much younger crowd--somehow selectively forgetting that they've aged 20 years--is kinda weird.

And all of this is based on hearing the first single of their upcoming full length LP. Can't wait to hear what the rest of the album has to offer with such enticing song titles like "Sexify My Love," "Put It on My Tab" and "Officially Over." If they would have sang "D*ck in a Box," at least that would have been funny.

Hot Hot Heat Want Their Rip-Off Back

So the much buzzed about Black Kids, who are not all black by the way, do a pretty good job of ripping off the Cure. I mean that as a compliment. Just listen to "I'm Making Eyes at You" and tell me that puppy's arrangements aren't the Cure (c. Head on The Door) freshly cloned? That particular Cure line-up and sound is not a bad version of the Cure to clone at all. But then it struck me: it's not the Cure that the Black Kids--purposely or not--are ripping off. The Black Kids are ripping off Hot Hot Heat's Cure rip off. Just for s-n-g's I threw a few Hot Hot Heat songs and a couple of Black Kids songs into a playlist and hit shuffle. The resemblance from lead vocals to arrangements was plagiaristically stunning. I wonder if the Kids realize this? In my heart of hearts, I don't have a problem with this. I rather have 100 Cure knock-off bands that some of the garbage making waves recently. Just a thought.

Speaking of the devil... This just in: "Perfect As Cats: A Tribute to the Cure" will be released on Oct. 28. Here's the track list:

Tracklist For Perfect As Cats: A Tribute To The Cure:

Disc 1
01. Fascination Street - Xu Xu Fang
02. A Forest - Bat For Lashes
03. Killing An Arab - Hecuba
04. The Caterpillar - Astrid Quay (of Winter Flowers)
05. The Walk - Indian Jewelry
06. Six Different Ways - Rainbow Arabia
07. Why Can't I Be You? - We Are The World
08. In Between Days - Blackblack
09. Pictures of You - Rio en Medio
10. Fire In Cairo - Gangi
11. Kyoto Song - Joker's Daughter
12. 10.15 Saturday Night - Aquaserge (with Laure Briard)
13. Grinding Halt - The Muslims
14. M - Voyager One
15. The Hanging Garden - Ex-Reverie
16. The Drowning Man - Caroline Weeks (of Bat For Lashes)
17. All Cats Are Gray - Devastations

Disc 2
01. Primary - Dandy Warhols
02. The Upstairs Room - Veil Veil Vanish
03. Charlotte Sometimes - Wolkfin (ex-Junior Senior)
04. Jumping Someone Else's Train - Army Navy
05. A Strange Day - Ich Bin Aiko
06. The Exploding Boy - Lemon Sun
07. The Kiss - Corridor
08. The Love Cats - Katrine Ottosen (CALLmeKAT)
09. A Night Like This - Silver Summit
10. Love Song - Mariee Sioux
11. Close To Me - Kaki King
12. Sugar Girl - Buddy
13. Hot Hot Hot! - Les Bicyclettes Blanches
14. Let's Go To Bed - Tara Busch
15. The Funeral Party - Jesu
16. Three Imaginary Boys - Sarabeth Tucek
17. Disintegration - Lewis And Clarke

Check myspace page here.

Vampire Weekend: Believe da Hype

Not one to usually jump on the bandwagon, but I gotta say... this ride's worth every bump (and beat). Though to my credit, if you scroll down and look at my "2007 Playlist from Hell," I did have "Mansard Roof" down as a fav of 2007. This music speaks for itself. If you have your doubts listen to "A-Punk" and/or "Walcott" for starters. Or you can start with "Oxford Comma," because nothing quite says Ivy League geeks-turned-punks like the first line of this track: "Who gives a fuck about an Oxford Comma?" But punk is just the tip... er Friday of this weekend. Juiced up with African pop on one track and snobby violins to go with your silver spoon stirred tea on another, these guys don't go wrong anywhere on this album. It's a rare listen-through-the-whole-thing type of affair.

You're welcome.

The White Stripes Sing in Spanish

If you missed my Jack White/White Stripes bashing e-mail a few weeks ago, go ahead and read that now. I'll wait.

Okay, so the only thing to report at this juncture is that The White Stripes have released a Spanish-sung version of "Conquest." Sure, it's as gimmicky and as much a novelty item as the Pixies' barely understandable (in Spanish or English) "Vamos" or "Isla del Encanto," but Jack singing in Spanish is actually not too terrible. So for now, he's partially forgiven for thinking this song sounds like Mexican mariachi music instead of Spanish paso doble. Maybe, I was a little too hard on ol' Jack White, after all on "Ickey Thump" he does thump anti-immigrant sentiment when he sings, "Why don't you kick yourself out, you're an immigrant, too?"

Mexico and Spain Are Two Different Countries, Jack

Maybe this is my retaliation for the shitty way in which Jack White said farewell (he mumbled a mixture of "thanks" and "fuck yous" and "motherfuckers") to his audience at the conclusion of the White Stripes' show at the Patriot Center at George Mason University in Virginia in 2007. But I wouldn't have a leg to stand on, if Jack and Meg wouldn't have begged for it by cementing the most common mistake made in music this past year. Many music publications who commented on the song "Conquest" off the White Stripes over-hyped "Icky Thump" album, suggested that the Stripes where scratching a mariachi or Mexican itch during the intro, when in fact, the blasting horns and bullfighting flavor of the song was 100 percent, unequivocally "paso doble"--a traditional Spanish (as in from Spain) played during a bullfight. Up to Dec. 11, 2007, I thought it was simply a case of journalists committing a benign, literary faux pas much in the same tradition that many Americans shout "Olé!" when about to chomp down a fajita at a Mexican food joint. (For the record: "Olé," sangria, tapas, flamenco, castanets are mostly Spanish traditions, while "Orale," margarita, fajitas, Mexican hat dance are... well, Mexican). Anyway, on Dec. 11, the White Stripes released their "Conquest" EP on iTunes. Track 5 is called "Conquest" (Acoustic Mariachi Version). ¡Pinche cabrones! Now that, my friends, IS Mexican slang.

"Walk Hard:" Laughing at Tragedy

Gratuitous or unprovoked meanness just doesn't sit well with me. Comedy at the expense of someone who really doesn't deserve it takes the funny element out of it.

"Borat" was a classic example. The world laughed and praised this guy who turned a struggling country and its people into the laughing stock of the world. Who the hell knew anything about Kazakhstan before Sacha Baron Cohen found this novel way of making himself rich by pretending to be from there and singlehandedly attributing the worst, unfounded stereotypes you can imagine to them? You can picture the scenario when a mostly uninformed American, who watched "Borat," encounters a Kazakhstani student at a bar. Embarrassing.

The more recent movie that comes to mind is "Walk Hard." All I needed to see was one trailer to be utterly disgusted. Although I'm a fan of John C. Reilly and I get the whole Johnny Cash/Jim Morrison/etc. parody, some stuff is just sacred and unnecessary. Of all the material to chose from in Cash's life (and, admittedly, there was plenty to mock, even though I am a diehard fan), they chose to mock the tragic death of Cash's older brother Jack who died in a power saw accident when he was only 12 (I believe). The movie trailer shows a kid learning to play a guitar and singing something stupid like, "I cut my brother in half" or some crap like that. WTF!

Bastardizing Albums: The Best Playlists of 2007

Ah, yes... 2007! The year that will be remembered for leaded toys and unleaded gasoline toying with us. And then of course hate is back, apparently by popular demand. Not since the civil rights movement of the '60s has the country--from Jena, Louisiana to Columbia University, New York City--been adorned with so many nooses. Nevermind Don Imus or the church shootings. But all is not lost. In 2007, it seems that everyone from Bush's most trusted confidants (they pretty much all resigned) to his own party (no Republican candidate is dropping his name too often), realized what the Dixie Chicks knew all along. Lead singer Natalie Maines told a London crowd way back in 2003: “Just so you know, we're ashamed the president of the United States is from Texas.” Of course, know you can replace "Texas" with pretty much anything and it kinda works: "We're ashamed the president of the United States is from THE UNITED STATES or IS REPUBLICAN or WAS RE-ELECTED TWICE, etc." It seems, Bush or as my favorite garage rock band under 14 (Tiny Masters of Today) call him, "Bushy," is fulfilling his own prophecy of being supported only by his dog Barney and his wife Laura.

Music biz-wise, 2007 will be remembered as the year that the record industry gasped its last breath, as digital music reigned supreme. People realized two simple things: Who buys albums anymore and whoever liked every single track on any given album to begin with? I can probably count with one hand how many albums are solid masterpieces from track 1 to track X. I know this is probably a bit acerbic to the music purist or to musicians, but to the music fanatic with not enough time to sit through shabby tracks to get to the gems, the new digital age is a very welcome age. So rather than give you my top albums for 2007, since I don't think there is a single album that is outstanding from start to finish this year, I will give you my favorite playlists. There are certainly some repeated offenders who had more than one great track, but rather than suggest that you waste $9.99 or $11.99 for albums where you only get about $4.96 worth of good music, here are the best playlists for the year. And why split hairs with any kind of order. All these tracks are great in no particular order.

2007 was handsdown the year of rockin' ladies, thus my first playlist is "Rawkin' Ladies":

1. Brandi Carlile: "The Story," "Turpentine"
2. Laura Veirs: "Wandering Kind"
3. Amy Winehouse: "Rehab," "You Know I'm No Good"
4. Lilly Allen: "Smile"
5. Rilo Kiley: "Silver Lining"
6. The Puppini Sisters: "Mr. Sandman"
7. The Detroit Cobras: "On a Monday"
8. The Pipettes: "Your Kisses are Wasted on Me"
9. Au Revoir Simone: "Sad Song"
10. Bettye LaVette: "The High Road"
11. Feist: "1234," "My Moon My Man"
12. Yeah Yeah Yeahs: "Down Boy," "Rockers to Swallow"
13. KT Tunstall: "Hold On"
14. M.I.A.: "Paper Planes," "Mango Pickle Down River"
15. Mala Rodriguez: "Nanai"
16. Keren Ann: "Lay Your Head Down," "Jardin d'hiver"
17. The Long Blondes: "Once and Never Again," "Fulwood Babylon"

"Rock Not in English" Playlist
1. Manu Chao: "Me Llaman Calle," "A Cosa"
2. Café Tacvba: "Volver a Comenzar"
3. Dani Umpi: "Atracción"
4. Federico Aubele: "En El Desierto (Live at Stubb's)"
5. Pacha Massive: "Get It On"
6. Bonde do Role: "James Bonde," "Bondallica"
7. Mexican Institute of Sound: "Escribeme Pronto"

"Late Night Blues" Playlist
1. Alamo Race Track: "Black Cat John Brown"
2. Jens Lekman: "Friday Night at the Drive-In Bingo," "The Opposite of Hallelujah"
3. Castanets: "This is the Early Game"
4. The National: "Brainy," "Squalor Victoria," "Apartment Story" and "Blank Slate"
5. The Mary Onettes: "Explosions"
6. The Clientele: "Bookshop Casanova"
7. Caribou: "Melody Day"

"Sweet Twang" Playlist
1. The Avett Brothers: "Paranoia in B Major"
2. The Bees: "Love in Harbour"
3. Castanets: "Westbound, Blue"
4. Josh Ritter: "Next to the Last Romantic"
5. Nyles Lannon: "Hesitation"
6. Utah Carol: "Ruby"

"The Wannabes" Playlist
1. Spoon: "The Underdog" (Billy Joel)
2. Mika: "Grace Kelly," "Relax, Take It Easy" (Freddy Mercury/Queen)
3. Okkervil River: "Our Life is Not a Movie or Maybe," "Unless It's Kicks" (Bruce Springsteen)
4. Arcade Fire: "Keep the Car Running," "Intervention" (Bruce Springsteen)


"2007 Miscellaneous Playlist from Hell"
1. Tiny Masters of Today: "Bushy"
2. Q-Tip: "Work It Out"
3. Against Me: "Stop!"
4. Born Again Floozies: "7 Deadly Sinners"
5. The Teeth: "Ball of the Dead Rat"
6. Devendra Banhart: "Tonada Yanomaminista"
7. Kaiser Chiefs: "Ruby"
8. Public Enemy: "Harder Than You Think," "Can You Hear Me Now"
9. Liars: "Houseclouds," "Plaster Casts of Everything"
10. MKC: "In Da Club-Historia Nuestra" (Remix)
11. Architecture in Helsinki: "Heart it Races"
12. White Stripes: "Icky Thump"
13. Travis: "Selfish Jean"
14. Robert Plant and Alison Krauss: "Gone Gone Gone"
15. Paul McCartney: "Dance Tonight"
16. Kenna: "Say Goodbye to Love"
17. The Rosebuds: "Get Up Get Out"
18. Portugal the Man: "The Bottom"
19. The Cinematics: "A Strange Education"
20. Shout Out Louds: "Normandie"
21. Vampire Weekend: "Mansard Roof"
22. Van Hunt: "Turn My TV On"
23. Sean Kingston: "Beautiful Girls"
24. Beirut: "Guyamas Sonora"

And finally my favorite end-of-the-year list that is not mine: Bill Maher's "Dickheads of the Year" in Rolling Stone.


I did break my own rule and provided my top ten world music albums to Global Rhythm.